GET YOUR GAME IN THE HEAD
*raises his hand*
Can I get head during the game?
Boyfriend #2: Fucking windows…
Boyfriend #11: You really shouldn’t do that you’ll get an STD.
When forced to participate in religious holidays, I drink.
When forced to participate in familial holidays, I drink.
Today is both.
On a scale of 1 to the denizens of Russia in the winter, guess how drunk I currently am?
Boyfriend: Would you like to-
Me: Spend my life attached to an insensitive and inconsiderate prick?
Me: Don’t mind if I do, you terribly entitled bastard, you.
The best part of being a sociopath: The complete lack of remorse.
The worst part of being a sociopath: Never knowing if it’s appropriate to tell that joke at a wedding and/or funeral.
Skipping school isn’t a crime, it’s an infraction. They’re totally different.